Dry
by Megan13
Summary: The two began dancing circles around each other until out of no where Ron jumped in and began shaking his ass Shakira style. The crowd went wild.
1. Dry

DISCLAIMER: They're not my characters. And if they were, they'd be getting a lot freakier in those books...  
  
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **  
  
"Ginny." Hermione giggled as she slapped Ginny's cheeks. "Come on Gin," she doubled over with laughter, "you gotta wake up. You're fucking taking up all the room on the," Hermione slapped Ginny as hard as she could while trying to stop laughing, "couch. This couch is in it's prime! It wants snoggers, not passer-outers!"  
  
Finally Hermione managed to slap Ginny hard enough. Ginny's eyes flew open as she looked at her best friend. "What the fuck?!"  
  
"You're awake!" Hermione crowed. She turned back to the people who filled the Gryffindor common room. "Look every one, Ginny's alive!"  
  
Seamus gave her a look only a drunken person could while everyone else ignored her. Hermione just laughed and went off to find Draco. She couldn't stand the kid most of the time, but damnit if he didn't have the best weed she'd ever had. She'd asked him about it one time, but they were really fucking high and he just started laughing. So then she did and the whole thing was forgotten.  
  
"Dray!" Hermione screeched as he came into view. He winked at her before downing the beer in the beer bong Ron was holding over his head. "Dude," Hermione giggled as she leaned on Ron's arm, "what are you doing?"  
  
"Getting fucked!" Ron yelled.  
  
A few "Fuck yeah's" and "Hell ya's" were heard round the room as people agreed with Ron's announcement.  
  
"Sweet." Hermione said just as Draco finished the beer.  
  
He stood up, pounded softly on his chest, and let out the most un-Malfoy belch anyone had ever heard. "Grang-a-langer! What's up?"  
  
"I'm drunk." Hermione told him. "And I'm high." She laughed. "I'm drunk and high. I'm dry!"  
  
"You are past dry Granger." Ron pointed out. "You're baked to high hell."  
  
"Hell's high?" Hermione asked, completely serious. "Like, seriously?"  
  
"Pull my finger." Harry yelled behind them.  
  
"Okay." Hermione said as she reached out to pull his finger.  
  
"Oh no you don't." Ron laughed as he stopped her in the nick of time.  
  
"What the fuck, you ass?" Harry yelled at Ron. "She was gonna pull my finger!"  
  
"What finger?" Hermione asked, confused.  
  
"She's lost it." Draco pointed out the obvious. He burst out laughing. "She's dry."  
  
"What does 'dry' mean?" Hermione asked, still confused.  
  
The three guys rolled their eyes. Then Blaise pulled up and parked himself next to Hermione. They looked at each other for a second before Hermione told Blaise he was 'one sexy bitch' and that she'd wanted to fuck him since 'I learned how to double click my mouse.' The four guys just stared at her until Blaise, whistling inconspicuously, stood in front of her and grabbed her boobs. He held on too.  
  
For a while...  
  
"Okay." Draco laughed, pulling Blaise's hands off Hermione's breasts. "I think that's enough of that."  
  
"Damn." Blaise swore and turned to scan the crowd for more boobs to grab. His eyes landed on a very drunk Lavender and he quickly bounded over to her.  
  
"He's a horny little bastard ain't he?" Harry laughed. "Ah, to be that horny..."  
  
Draco and Ron looked at each other, eyebrows raised, for a second before turning their attention to Hermione who was singing to Britney Spears, even though there was no music, and preparing to climb on the bar they'd set up. With a flick of Draco's wrist 'Slave 4 You' began booming overhead. Hermione swayed to the music for moment before busting a very drunken move right there on the bar counter.  
  
"Take it off!" Draco yelled. He laughed at the dirty look Ron threw at him.  
  
"Dray!" Hermione yelled. "I'll take it off when you take it off!"  
  
Draco seemed to think about that for, oh, two seconds before he whipped off his shirt and began twirling it around his head. He rolled his hips and nearly everyone in the room gasped. Hermione looked down from her bar counter, very impressed.  
  
Then there was a shout from the other side of the room as Blaise's shirt came off. The crowds around the two guys parted as they looked at each other, shirtless and ready for the competition to begin. The two began dancing circles around each other until out of no where Ron jumped in and began shaking his ass Shakira style. The crowd went wild.  
  
The next thing they new Draco was humping the floor with his tongue snaked out of his mouth. Every eye went wide as they watched him grind like the best of the boybands. That is, until out of no where a pole appeared and Blaise got his pole dance on.  
  
"I've watched a lot of stripper movies!" Blaise yelled to a glaring Draco and an impressed Ron. He jumped up and rode the pole to the bottom before arching his back, a smile on his face, and saying, "A lot of stripper movies."  
  
"Yeah, well strippers ain't got nothing on Britney!" Ron yelled as he shimmied and started the complete 'Slave' routine.  
  
Harry just watched in a silent awe.  
  
Draco grinned and quickly pulled Hermione down from the bar. He stood her in front of him and whispered in her ear, "Come on Granger, let's show 'em what we've got."  
  
And with that they began doing every provocative dance move they could think of. This went on for a good five minutes before Draco did one last hip roll and Hermione passed out into Harry's awaiting arms. The partygoers went crazy.  
  
"I win you stupid fuckers!" Draco yelled, his arms above his head in triumph. He looked at Ron and Blaise and yelled, "I beat your asses! Losers!"  
  
Then he passed out.  
  
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **  
  
The next morning McGonogall slowly made her way through the mass of passed out bodies covering the common room floor. She stepped on someone's hand and hurried an apology, but the kid didn't even wake up. After a few minutes she made her way to the bar and stood up on it to survey the damage. It looked like a battlefield, what with all the people laying passed out on the floor.  
  
"Damn." She said slowly. "Pomprey's gonna be pissed."  
  
"Pissed?"  
  
McGonogall heard somewhere from her left. She looked around for the owner of the voice and smiled as her gaze landed on Hermione Granger, looking completely disheveled. "Yes, Miss Granger. Pissed."  
  
"But Professor McGonogall, we got dry last night." Hermione informed her. "Not pissed."  
  
McGonogall quirked an eyebrow and watched as Hermione fell over onto Seamus Finnegan. "What the fuck does 'dry' mean?"  
  
THE END  
  
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **  
  
(This is so stupid. I shouldn't have even written it. Oh well, fuck it.) 


	2. Rapper's Delight

**Hey people! So this was actually supposed to be a seperate one-shot, but since it's so much like 'Dry', i just kinda made it as a chapter two. But it's really meant to be a seperate thing all together... I may write these every once in a while. But only when i'm one of those moods where i've been listening to way too much Jock Jams and Mtv Party to Go's. Not to mention all the cd's with the old fun shit.**

**I'd also like to thank all the people who reviewed for 'Dry.'**

**Title: 'Rapper's Delight'**

* * *

"Ho-mi-na-nini..." Draco giggled, "Nini."

Hermione rolled her eyes and tapped the entrance to the Slytherin common room with her wand. It was enchanted so that only seventh years could enter. _Or at least seventh years' wands_, Hermione thought as she lugged Draco into the common room and took a look around the room. There were tons of people there, even Ravenclaw's had decided to join in the festivities this time.

"Nini," Draco slurred, giggling as he pulled on Hermione's new dress. "Nini, I think I'm drunk and you're a little bitty bit on the cute side. No more big teeth."

She couldn't help but crack a smile at that. Yeah, Draco was a total pain in the ass, but he could always make her smile even when she was in the worst of moods. "My my Mister Malfoy, you sure know how to woo the ladies."

"Wee!" Draco screamed as he let go of the little sliver of material Hermione called a dress and lunged at Blaise Zabini's turned back. "Baisey Waisey!"

"I think Draco got the party started a little early," Harry yelled into Hermione's ear as the music began thumping from the staircases.

"Yeah," Hermione smiled and looked around at all the people in the common room. "He wanted to pre-party a little and wound up drinking almost a full bottle of 99 Bananas. Oh, and the SoCo we shared."

"Shouldn't he be dead?" Harry yelled, his eyes narrowed and his mouth open, shocked at how much Draco had drunk before he'd even arrived to his own birthday party.

"Yes," Hermione yelled back. "Yes he should."

Harry grinned at her and held up a little glass bowl, "Wanna go relax with some nice _legal_ tobacco products?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Hermione did a little dance and took Harry's hand as he began weaving his way through the crowd of people.

Meanwhile Ron was on the other side of the room, trying desperately to get Lavender Brown's attention. He'd thought it'd be easy as pie to get her into bed after his last performance, but apparently Lavender wasn't easily swayed by a sexy Shakira dance. Ron huffed and took a long swig on his fire-whiskey.

"Come on Lavender," he whined. "Dance with me."

"Noooooo," Lavender yelled, her eyes wide and her mouth formed in a tight 'o'. She'd told him fourteen times that night to keep his hands to himself and stop trying to hit on her, but apparently his big red head was too thick to figure it out.

"Lavey Davey!"

Both Ron and Lavender turned as Seamus danced his way over to them, attempting to 'raise the roof.'

"Hoodihoo," Seamus called, sounding astoundingly like Dave Chapelle. "Yo bitches, my ho and me gots to talks to ya. See, this bitch here wans to hit yo shit Lavey. But I says no. Cause you my bitch!"

"Yeah," Draco came up behind Seamus, his arms crossed and a thick gold chain with a huge diamond dollar sign hanging from it. "Bitches."

"What are you doing?" Ron yelled, looking from Draco's huge necklace to his green bandanna and then to his wife-beater and sagging jeans. Then he looked at Seamus, who was dressed exactly the same and said, "This isn't a costume party."

"It is now!" Draco screeched and pointed his wand at Ron.

With a poof Ron was sporting a very nice straight jacket complete with Silence of the Lambs style face mask. Another poof later and Ron was being carried of by Crabbe and Goyle, both costumed in their very finest orange jumpsuits.

"They got those last year when they tried to get McGonagal to give them lap dances," Draco told Seamus and Lavender seriously. "She did not appreciate it."

"I bet not," Lavender said, looking him and Seamus up and down. "Damn boys, I think the thug look suits you perfectly."

Draco laughed and slapped Seamus on the back. "Told ya."

"Wanna dance?" Seamus asked Lavender after Draco had lost interest in them and had bounded off to turn Harry into a back-up dancer for Pansy who was clad in a bikini top and chaps.

"Let's get dirrty!" Draco laughed.

Harry looked down at his new outfit and yelped. "What the fuck did you do Malfoy?"

"Are you dry yet?" Draco giggled. "Getting dirrty."

Harry groaned as Draco shimmied up against the inside of his thigh. "Draco Waco, don't."

"Why not?" Draco feigned innocence and batted his eyelashes up at Harry. He shimmied again and Harry had to step back before he did something he regretted.

"You know why," Harry growled and walked away, leaving Draco to grin as he watched Harry's butt swagger through the crowd.

"Hey, Abbott," Harry tapped Hannah Abbott on the back and cocked his head. "You ever thought of what it'd be like to shag the boy-who-lived?"

"No," Hannah laughed and wiggled away, her cowboy boots tapping on the floor and her hands sliding up and down the lasso she held in her hands.

"Fuck," Harry swore and wondered around to find someone else to shag.

He passed by Ginny and Neville, who were on the couch also enjoying some '_legal'_ tobacco products in Neville's new orange and red speckled bowl named Lama.

"Did you see Potter?" Ginny squealed as Neville handed her her bottle of vodka. She took a long gulp of it and pulled it away quickly, her nose curling up as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "He had on assless chaps!"

"Better him than Pansy," Neville pointed to Pansy on the other side of the room. "Look at that ass jiggle."

Ginny giggled. "Oh just go ask her out already."

Neville's brow furrowed, but between the vodka and the weed, he'd found his courage. He walked over to her, his curly fro swaying on top of his head and his powder blue jersey scratching against his skin. "Parkinson."

Pansy turned around to face him, her boobs about popping out of her bikini top as she did.

"You know, it's rumored that on tour Christina and Mr. JT had an intimate relationship," Neville said, cocking his head to the side. "How's 'bout we carry on where they ended?"

Pansy seemed to think abou this for a moment before a smile appeared on her face. She yelled over the dance beat of the music, "That was the worst line I've ever heard."

"Well how 'bout this one? Your chaps are so shiny..."

Pansy's eyes widened.

"I can see myself in them," he finished.

"Omigod, tell me another on the way to my room," Pansy yelled over the music as she took Neville's arm and began dragging him by the arm upstairs.

"Okay," Neville yelled happily. "Did it hurt? When you fell from..."

"Worst pick-up line ever," Padma said, rolling her eyes as she talked to Hermione. "Don't you think?"

"Huh?"

"Hermione?" Padma said. "Hermione, are even listening to me?"

"You," Hermione flipped her hand at Padma, "Which one are you?"

Padma huffed and walked away.

"Eh," Hermione looked around, the room spinning as she did so. "Hey," she sluggishly slapped at the air, "stop moving room."

"It's not moving," Harry said, dancing over to her as Coolio blasted on the speakers overhead. "You are."

"I am so fucked up," Hermione giggled as she leaned against Harry. "I think... I think that last shot was what got me. And the chronic."

"Yeah, Hufflepuff's have good shit," Harry agreed and dragged her to one of the couches. "Wanna make out?"

Hermione looked at him like he was crazy. "Eew."

"I am not eew," Harry said.

"Eew," Hermione nodded and looked on the other side of her where Ginny was sitting. "Eew?"

"Eew," Ginny agreed.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Harry said, standing up. "You're just dry."

"Dry!" Hermione screeched, launching herself at Harry. "You 'membered."

"Welcome to Miami..." Draco danced up behind Harry as he sang to Will Smith's Miami. "What's goin on ova heya?"

"We're dry Drakey!" Hermione screamed and lunged from Harry to Draco.

"That's great, but it doesn't mean you have to suck on my neck," Draco said, trying to pry Hermione off him.

"Member last time we got dry?" Hermione asked.

"It was last night," Harry told her.

"Oh yeah," she giggled and looked over at Ginny. "I slapped you."

"I know," Ginny told her. "It hurt."

"No it didn't," Hermione said.

"Well why don't you two kiss and make up?" Harry asked.

You didn't have to tell Hermione twice. She was straddling Ginny in seconds, and sucking her tongue a millisecond later. Draco looked up from the two girls, his eyebrow quirked, and nodded his approval at Harry.

"Very good idea," Draco said, looking back down at the girls whose hands were now pulling a disappearing act. "Do they do that often?"

"Only when they're dry," Harry answered, shaking his head and laughing.

"Drake!"

Harry and Draco turned around at the same time as Seamus made his way up to them. He had a goofey grin on his face that told them he'd already gotten laid once tonight.

"Yo bitches," Seamus yelled as he put his arms around both of their shoulders. "Hey, can you do me a favor? Lavender said she and Luna would... Damn! When'd Hermione and Ginny go lesbo?"

"About five minutes ago," Harry said, looking at his watch. "What were you saying?"

Seamus smiled slyly. "Never mind."

And with that he was sliding in between the girls. Soon enough he was getting more action when all four of the girls' hands disappeared into his pants. Draco sighed drunkenly.

"Damnit," he said, "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Damn, I love this song," Harry said as Aerosmith's Pink came thundering through the invisible speakers.

He quickly moved to the center of the room, Draco at his side. They wrapped their arms around each other's shoulder and quickly began swaying to the beat and singing along with the words. Soon, Blaise and Dean had joined them. The four boys sung their hearts out, and then the song stopped half-way through and Jurassic-5 began blaring.

Draco then began, "It's the J-u-r-a capital-s- another-s-i-c five MC's..."

Everyone watched on as he rapped to the song, his hand cupped over his mouth as his words flowed along with the songs. A circle began forming around him. And then, as he rapped, Seamus jumped in front of him and began break-dancing, his green bandanna proving more useful than anyone first thought.

"...bust a tape in yo cassette," Draco bobbed his head as the song came to an end and Seamus finished with some resounding "yeah, yeah"s.

And then, out of nowhere, the song switched to Vanilla Ice and Hermione popped up in front of Seamus, and began rapping the full version of Ice Ice Baby. The crowd went wild when Harry popped up in front of her and began doing the running-man, his tongue stuck out of his mouth in true Vanilla Ice fashion.

But halfway through the song Draco flicked his wand and the middle of JC Chasez's Some Girls filtered through the speakers, complete with strobe lights and everything. And suddenly not only was Seamus playing back-up dancer for Draco, but so was Blaise and Terry Boot. Harry couldn't help it, he had to jump in. Soon all the guys were singing and dancing in perfect synch with each other. Their arms and legs moving in perfect harmony as they sashayed and pivoted and humped the ground. They were the best looking guys in the school, and they knew how to shake it.

Until the girls stepped in.

Suddenly Christina Aguilera's Dirrty was echoing through the Slytherin common room. Hermione had a microphone wrapped around her head and... Where the hell had that huge puddle of water come from?

Hermione began singing and dancing provocatively in the water. Then Ginny, Lavender, Pansy, and Hannah walked up behind her, all wearing bikini tops and assless chaps. The guys in the room drooled as they began dancing with each other, their slick bodies sliding up and down each others.

Somewhere in the back of the room a stain settled onto one of the plush green couches.

The dance ended when everyone in the crowd rushed to the middle and began dancing in the water themselves. The guys took this as a win, since no one had interrupted their performance.

"And who wins again?" Draco yelled as the music turned to a quick techno beat. "Me. I always win bitches."

"Great job," Harry said, slapping Draco on the back and handing him the rest of the bottle of 99 Bananas.

Less than an hour later everyone had either passed out, or had gone up stairs to shag.

* * *

Severus Snape slowly walked through the Slytherin common room. He sneered at the fallen bodies and kept on walking through the wreckage. He'd known from Minerva that the last time their had been a party things had gotten a bit out of hand, but as he surveyed the room, he doubted that the Gryffindor common room could look half as bad as his did now.

Chairs were smashed, couches were overturned, and their was a large water stain in the middle of the floor that Seamus Finnegen and Ginny Weasley had both fallen asleep in. He wondered how they weren't already drowned.

After a few minutes Snape sighed and started back to his office. If he was lucky nobody would notice him slithering around in his jewel encrusted sunglasses, his polyester suit, and his platform disco shoes. Damn, that had been one great costume party. He hadn't had that much fun since he was in school.


	3. Boys Night

**So, here's another installment of Dry. Only, this one could stand alone as well. But since it's in the Dry universe, i thought i'd put it in with the other two Dry type ficcys.**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed! It's much appreciated!**

**Title: Boys Night**

* * *

"I thought you said this was going to be small," Harry shouted over the loud music blaring from some unknown source.

"This is," Seamus yelled back. "Now move, you're messing up my concentration."

"There's a ton of people here," Harry said incredulously. "How the hell is this small? And how the hell do you mess up concentration whilst playing beer pong?"

"There's only twenty. Quite tame for Slytherin party really," Seamus said, his tongue sticking out with concentration. "And _you_ tell _me_ how to make someone lose concentration, seeing as you're doing such a fine job of it right now."

"Potter, get the hell away from my partner," Draco shouted from the other side of Seamus. "If he makes this shot we win."

Harry rolled his eyes, but shut his mouth anyway. Then he watched as Seamus took careful aim, and, with the flick of his wrist, sent the little snitch-looking Ping-Pong ball soaring through the air. It landed in the only red cup across the table with a _swish_.

"What!" Seamus yelled and turned to slap hands with Draco in victory.

"Drink bitches!" Draco yelled, his hand pointed at the two across the table. "And here's three more for you to finish too!"

Ernie and Michael harumphed and shot the two dirty looks, but _accio-_ed the three cups of beer and gulped all of them down anyway. After they were done Seamus ran off to fetch more Guinness while Draco set the cups back up and bragged about beating four teams in a row.

"You may have beat them," Blaise said as he and Dean appeared across from Draco, "but they were only pussy Hufflepuffs."

"Oooh," Harry said sarcastically, "Look out Drake, now you have some real competition."

"These two?" Draco waved them off drunkenly. "They're nothing. I shall destroy them like a newspaper does a fly."

"Who you callin' a fly?" Dean challenged.

"You Thomas," Draco grinned.

"You're goin' down bitch," Blaise said. "Down."

"Wait, isn't that what you do Blaise?" Draco quirked an eyebrow and Harry burst out laughing. "Go down?"

"Ah, think you're funny huh?" Blaise smiled. "You would be the one to know."

"So you're saying you've given Draco head, Zabini?" Harry asked, amused.

"I…" Blaise cocked his head and clucked his tongue. "Damn. I walked right into that one."

"Right into what?" Seamus asked, bounding up to the others.

"Nothing," Draco leaned over and said into his ear. "We're just talking about how Blaise gives me head."

"What?" Seamus screeched dramatically, a smile lighting up his face. "How could you Zabini? I thought you loved me! Did that night in Filche's office mean nothing to you?"

"No," Blaise deadpanned before breaking into a smile.

Seamus snapped his fingers and muttered, "Damn."

"Come on kids," Draco drawled as he put the finishing touches on his cups of beer. "Let's get this massacre over. I've got a hot date with a kid named Longbottom and, more importantly, a bowl named Lama."

"I thought you and Lama had a falling out?" Harry grinned.

"Yeah, what'd you say last weekend?" Seamus asked. "Something about never smoking anything illegal ever again?"

"That was before I knew Abbott laced the shit with PCP," Draco said pointedly. "And before I agreed to this stupid boys night. This sausage-fest is starting to wear on me. I need some pussy before I have to reevaluate my masculinity."

"What masculinity?" Blaise laughed from the other side of the table.

Draco held up one very masculine finger. (Of course, the clear nail polish coating it didn't help his argument much.)

Blaise flicked the underneath of his chin with his fingertips at Draco and smiled sardonically.

"Okay boys," Harry said, holding up his hands. "As the official, I have some rules to this game."

"Oh?" Draco quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes," Harry said. "Blowing is aloud no matter what you say Draco. And whoever loses this game not only has to buy the beer in Hogsmeade tomorrow, but also has to go crash the girls in Gryffindor Tower."

"So?" Dean said. "We'll probably wind up doing that anyway."

"Naked," Harry grinned, his eyes gleaming evilly.

"So?" Seamus said. "We'll probably wind up doing that anyway."

Harry frowned.

"How about the losers have to run through Hogsmeade, in the middle of the day, in nothing but their birthday suits?" Blaise chimed in.

Harry rubbed his hands together _via _Mr. Burns.

"You're on," Draco said and grabbed the bludger-looking Ping-Pong ball.

"Have fun streaking," Seamus chimed. "You may want to put a warming spell in that _general_ area seeing as it's below freezing and there's a foot of snow on the ground."

"Not even a warming spell could help those two," Draco said.

"Oh come on Malfoy, we've all seen you in the showers," Blaise laughed. "You have no room to talk."

"Are you saying my size isn't what it should be?" Draco asked, feigning shock.

"No," Blaise said. "I'm just saying a three-year girl has more down there than you do."

"Oh fuck you Zabini," Draco laughed. "I can't wait to see your buttcheeks flappin' down Hogsmeade. Little old witches'll probably be trying to slap it as you go. They'll be like, 'Mmm mmm, shake whatcha momma gave ya.'"

"Or 'Show me whatcha working with,'" Harry laughed, the glint still in his eye.

"You two," Blaise shook his head, but laughed anyway, "are idiots. Complete and utter idiots. I don't know why I put up with you two."

"Because we're rich and buy you lots of beer," Harry said.

"And other not-so-legal substances," Draco added.

"And you have to admit," Dean said, his head cocked and his pearly whites glistening. "They're just so darn cute."

"You bet your ass we are," Draco said. "Or at least I am."

"Okay," Seamus held up his hands. "We all know the stakes, we all know the outcome. Let's stop with the friendly sparring and begin our game. If we don't, I fear my buzz will fail me and I'll die."

"You'll die?" Dean asked.

"Yes."

"Don't you know Thomas?" Blaise asked. "Shay has to be drunk, or he's not sporting his patriotism. He'll be judged as a traitor by all his little leprechaun friends and be put to death."

"Then by all means," Dean grinned, "let the game begin."

Draco, who sank it, threw the first shot. Seamus followed and the ball would have gone in had it not been for that damn blowing rule Harry had made them agree to. Blaise shot next, but missed completely, not having had the practice the other two had had by already playing four times in a row. Thankfully for Blaise, Dean made his first shot. Then, both Draco and Seamus, both of whom had already played four games and were bordering on completely drunkeness, missed. Blaise hit it, then Dean, and then the balls came back and Blaise sank another one.

"Shit Shay," Draco shook his head as he lowered his cup. "We're getting our asses shit on."

"No fucking duh," Seamus shook his head. "We need a new strategy."

"Right," Draco rubbed the ball in his hand as he thought of a plan. "I got it! Potter, pull down your pants, jump up and down, and scream the words to I Feel Pretty!"

Harry shrugged and did as he was told.

"Hehe," Draco grinned, threw the ball, and missed completely.

"Okay, stop!" Draco shouted to Harry. "You're just distracting me."

"Keep doing it!" Blaise instructed.

So Harry did, this time facing Draco and Seamus.

"I can't…" Seamus tried to look away from Harry's jiggling pieces, but found it wasn't possible. "It's mes… Mesmerizing!"

And without looking, he threw the ball and it landed in a cup just as Dean was saying to Harry, "Well that's how you can defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Just shake your willy at him. I bet it's the last thing he'd suspect."

"He'll probably die laughing," Draco said, his nose scrunched. "Gods Potter, it's not _that_ cold in here."

"Shut up," Harry muttered as he pulled his pants back up.

"And you tried to make fun of my package size," Draco grunted. "He's more like the Boy-Who-Has-A-Tiny-Penis than the Boy-Who-Lived."

"You know, that has a nice ring to it," Blaise said with a nod. "I think that'll be your new nickname Potty. The Boy-Who-Has-A-Tiny-Penis."

"Can we stop pestering our savior and concentrate on something more important?" Seamus yelled.

And with that Blaise downed his beer and then flicked the ball at the remaining cups. He hit one, but thanks to the blowing rule, Seamus rescued the cup from eminent drinkage. Next, Dean tossed his ball and it landed with a _thud_ in the same cup Seamus had just saved.

"This one's yours," Draco said, his words beginning to slur.

"No," Seamus said. "I drank the last one. It's your turn."

"You're a cheat and a coward Finnegan," Draco grabbed the cup and drank it down. "But that's why I like you."

"The game," Harry said.

"Right," Draco nodded and tossed his ball.

It landed, thank Gods, in the far-left cup and no amount of Blaise's blowing would bring this one back. He did a short victory dance, but stopped when Seamus' ball completely missed and wound up hitting the back of Justin Finch-Fletchly's head.

"You fucking suck," Draco told him.

"Oops," Seamus shrugged.

The next two turns went by uneventful for both teams. Then Blaise and Dean both hit cups, but neither made one on the take-back. Draco made his next throw, as did Seamus, and Seamus made his second shot as well. Things were all tied up then. That is, until Bliase sunk his next two shots while neither Seamus nor Draco made either of theirs. Dean hit the next cup, but unfortunately the force of the throw knocked the cup off the side of the table and no one got to drink it.

And then there was one.

"We're down big time," Draco said.

"I can see that," Seamus told him.

"Way down," Draco continued. "We're talking four to one here. We'll have to make a huge comeback if we plan to win this one."

"I know," Seamus nodded.

"We might lose," Draco whispered into Seamus' ear.

"I fucking get it Draco," Seamus said irritably. "Gods, would you shut up?"

"Do I ever shut up?"

"No," came four replies.

"Well fuck you too."

The next shot was Draco's, and being as drunk as he was (he had decided to take a couple shots of firewhiskey while he waited for his turn), missed by at least a yard. Seamus, miraculously, made his shot. It didn't really mean anything though, because Merlin was not on his and Draco's side in this game and Dean sunk the ball into the last opposing cup.

"Oh, who needs a warming spell?" Dean yelled. "You do motherfuckers!"

"Ha!" Harry giggled. Having taken more than a few shots of whiskey and being the lightweight that he was, Harry was already drunk. He wouldn't even make it to the huge orgy with Lama the Bowl later that night.

"Oh well," Blaise shrugged. "Those pale asscheeks of yours needed some sun anyway Malfoy. Think of it as a favor."

"From one friend to another," Dean added.

Seamus and Draco grumbled.

But an hour later both were riding high as kites, considering they were very 'dry', and were practicing their streaking abilities as every male that had attended boys night ran naked through the girls little party up in Gryffindor Tower. The girls finally pushed every last boy out of the common room around four and, being so 'dry' they couldn't find their way back to the dungeons, all of the boys wound up in the Great Hall.

"This was a great night," Draco lifted his head off the Gryffindor table and shouted at Ron who was sprawled out on the Slytherin table across from him. Ron grunted his approval of the statement right before the back of Draco's head hit the table with a _thud_.

* * *

Dumbledore sighed as he entered the Great Hall. Being the early riser that he was, he always wound up in the Great Hall before anyone else. He would usually have a nice cup of coffee, with plenty of sugar, and read the mornings Prophet. Never, in all his days at Hogwarts had he once been beaten to the Great Hall before.

Only, this morning was a bit different.

Naked boys were sprawled on every table and bench in the Great Hall. It looked as if all the students had passed out on purpose on each other's tables, just so they had the satisfaction of knowing their bare asses had been in the exact spot where their rivals would be having their everyday meals. There was Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott and Gregory Goyle lining the Gryffindor table. Blaise Zabini, Terry Boot, and Dean Thomas were all lying haphazardly on the Hufflepuff table, smirks on all three faces. On the Slytherin table lay Ron Weasley, Ernie McMillain, Harry Potter, who was oddly fully clothed, and Michael Corner. Then, surely sporting splinters by the way they were strewn across the Ravenclaw table was Vincent Crabbe and Justin Finch-Fletchly.

All naked. All smirking. All sporting their morning wood.

Dumbledore shook his head, and against better judgment, let the boys sleep. He would like to see the look on the faces of the rest of the professors when they entered the Great Hall that morning only to find Seamus Finnegan lying as naked as a newborn on their breakfast table.

* * *

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